Adam, Alec & Anthony
I am Dawn and my husband, Marshal and I would like to announce the safe arrival of my daughter Allison Faye. She was born April 3, 2001 and was 7 lb. 5 oz. She has 3-year-old brothers Alec and Anthony and their triplet brother Adam in heaven.
I have regularly read the newsletters from front to back and cried with each story. It is so emotional and yet gives me time to cry over my own loss too. Five years ago my husband and I thought we should be able to just start a family. It wasn’t that easy. After a year of no success I went to see a specialist. We had a number of tests done a couple of surgeries on me and finally the use of fertility drugs. We were pregnant in the first month of using a low dose of clomid. Marshal and I cried like babies when we found out that we were pregnant for sure.
Two months into the pregnancy I had some spotting and went to my doctor’s office. He did an ultrasound and lo and behold we found at least three beating hearts!!! My doctor gave me a picture to prove to Marshal that indeed we were having more than one. Shock and joy kept us numb for the next few weeks. My doctor set me up with a high risk specialist and I started with weekly ultrasounds. It was confirmed to be a triplet pregnancy. With that confirmed the topic of selective reduction was brought up. I was in tears for days. Finally my husband and I went in to the specialist to again go over the risk factors and to give our decision. We decided that it really wasn’t a choice for us. We had waited so long and wanted a family so bad we could not let any of what we created be “reduced”.
So on my pregnancy went. I was in my 19th week and my doctor had just put me on half days when I had a bag of waters break at 3:30 a.m. My husband had just left for work and I had no way to reach him. So I called my doctor and my husband’s work and told them to meet me at the hospital. Once we were all there an ultrasound showed that baby “B”s bag had broken but all babies were alive. At that stage of pregnancy we were told there is little that could be done. So I was sent home on Saturday to limited activity. Sunday morning I awoke to find baby “B”s umbilical cord had prolapsed. Back to the hospital where we were faced again with what to do. The doctors feared the cord would act like a wick for infection and could hurt the other two babies as well as me. So, they wanted to induce labor to stop that risk and “hopefully” stop the labor to save the other two babies. Well, some of the decision was made for us since baby “B” s (our Adam’s) heart stopped beating. The doctor cut the cord as far up as he could and we decided to wait and see. (They wanted to send me home but I refused to go.) The following night, I went into labor and Adam was delivered. Since I was still in the hospital, they gave me mag sulfate to quickly stop my labor and it worked! I was given a cerclage and put on strict bedrest. Over six weeks later, I delivered Alec (1 lb. 8 oz.) and Anthony (2 lb.).
Alec and Anthony spent 90 days in the NICU. Alec had some severe lung problems and Anthony had intestinal surgery. Both have had some ongoing problems that we deal with day to day. But overall they are very healthy three-year-olds. We stop by Adam’s grave regularly but I don’t think the boys understand yet who Adam is. I always like to hear how other families have told their children.
We now have a new addition to our family. Allison Faye was born April 3, 2001. She was born at 37 weeks after two months of bedrest and a hospital stay to stop early labor. The boys just love her and we are so happy she is healthy.
We live every day missing our son Adam. We held him and have pictures. I will always wonder if I could have done something different to save him. I will always be glad on our decision to not reduce our pregnancy. (Anthony would have been the baby they took). We are blessed every day. Some days it is hard to find the blessings other days there seems to be many. Here’s hoping you all find your blessings every day.
My Invisible Son
My name is Dawn. I am mom to Alec and Anthony (4-1/2), their triplet brother Adam, and Allison (17 months). We lost Adam in my 19th week of pregnancy. His bag of waters broke for no known reason. Soon after, his heart stopped beating. I delivered him vaginally within 24 hours of his heart stopping. I was able to go longer with Alec and Anthony. I delivered them by c-section at 26 weeks. Both boys stayed in the NICU for 90 days. As an update to those that have read our story in the past, Alec and Anthony are doing quite well. They still are receiving speech therapy and have some issues we are dealing with, but all in all are miracles to us.
I have wanted to write this for awhile, but, I’ve had some trouble getting my thoughts together. I read the newsletter and relive our story through the words of others who have written theirs. I cry every time just realizing how many families really do share this terrible grief. I also feel some anger as I am again reminded how few people talk about my son Adam. My family is wonderful and were great through the whole rollercoaster ride we went through. But, now that Adam’s passing has been over 4 years past-no one talks about him, mentions him and some have started refering to Alec and Anthony as twins… Every person who has taken the time to read this newletter knows we are moms to all of our children those here as well as those in heaven. I love my family and I adore my friends, but I have never known how to let them know I want them to talk about Adam and let me know they remember him. I have tried to always make a point to refer to Alec and Anthony as triplets and even have taken the time to advise strangers why I only have two. I have come to really like what another member has done and am in the process of finding someone to help me accomplish it. She had pencil drawings done of all of her children, even one done from the only picture she has of one of them. I thought it made a beautiful wall display and a wonderful reminder to all that walk past it that our children who have passed are not invisible to us.
Thank you for letting me write this.