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Birthday Thoughts


My dear, sweet Vanessa, as you near your 4th birthday
and grow in mind and body, I anticipate the future.
So far your questions have been those of youthful innocence,
and stories of your sister and brother, bits of wonder.
You seem to have no memories of sharing the warmth of my womb,
and you feel no void as you experience the wonders of life.
Does each year bring you closer to the realities of my sorrow,
will you share my pain and have it become part of your being?
Rather, as you begin to comprehend the deaths of your siblings,
you will be able to look at their short lives with acceptance.
You will know that Jennifer, Jesse and Michael left you their strength,
and that strength will help you stride the hurdles of sadness.
You will live knowing and wanting them, but without desperation,
the memories I so fondly tell will be musical to your ears.
This year watching you celebrate another bittersweet birthday,
I pray for the wisdom to help you understand your oneness,
until the day you can accept and in turn help me to understand.

Pennie