Brian & Marc, and Jessica
Interview…1. Your name and some details about your twin or higher multiple baby/s who died, and other children (if any, living or previous losses) . . . Sharon. After years of infertility treatments, Brian John and Marc Simon were born March 6, 1989 and died March 7, 1989. They were premature and died of severe RDS. Brian lived 10 hours and Marc lived 12 hours. Michael Robert and Jessica Hazel were born (also after infertility treatments) on January 9, 1991 after 22+ weeks of bed rest, 18 weeks were hospitalized. Jessica lived only 2 minutes, she died of anencephaly. We learned of her fatal birth defect September 11, 1990. Michael is a thriving 5th grader who is our joy. Monica Jude was born after no infertility treatments. She is our surprise blessing – our chance to experience a child without any heartache. She was born November 6, 1999 and she idolizes her older brother.
2. When I remember my baby/s, I . . . smile. I realize I am very blessed to have Brian, Marc and Jessica in my life. They have helped to make me who I am today.
3. The worst part is . . . the emptiness I feel in my heart.
4. I have coped with anger by . . . allowing myself to go through the entire grieving process which includes anger. I am no longer angry.
5. I still have problems with . . . significant dates, such as Brian and Marc’s birthday and anniversary of their deaths. Jessica’s birthday, my due dates and the date that we found out Jessica had a fatal birth defect.
6. I have learned that . . . by reaching out to other grieving parents I continue to heal.
7. I no longer think that . . . I have to hold newborn babies. It is difficult for me, so I no longer hold friend’s and family’s newborns unless I am sure I can at that particular moment.
8. I remember when . . . I held each child in my arms.
9. My partner (if any) and I feel close when . . . we reminisce about our pregnancies and the short time we had had with Brian, Marc and Jessica.
10. The best times to remember my baby/s are . . . every moment of every day. I always welcome the memories I have of Brian, Marc and Jessica.
11. The worst times to remember my baby/s are . . . when I am feeling melancholy about life in general.
12. Sometimes I wish . . . I could relive each moment of Brian, Marc and Jessica’s short lives”from conception to their deaths.
13. When I could handle it again, I did . . . smile and laugh and enjoy life!
14. If I could choose whether or not to have twins again (or triplets or more etc. again). . . I would. Having had two sets of twins and a single pregnancy, I realize that each pregnancy comes with its own risks. Each child is a gift and to have a healthy child is a real blessing. It was comforting to me to know that Brian and Marc were and always will be together – from conception on. It also comforts me to know that Jessica had her twin Michael in utero. She was not alone either. I always liked knowing that each child had someone to “play with”.