Damn Machine

5:00 a.m. Monday morning we were introduced to the Damn Machine. We got to the hospital E.R. We were rushed to the second floor – Labor and Delivery. It was too early. Too early.

My wife and our dreams were hooked to a damn machine. A machine which ran like a wave of hope and a wave to mountains. It didn’t take long to figure out the machine. Straight line good, mountain bad.

I spent hours watching that machine. Sometimes the machine would give a hope line.

I guess the doctors and nurses knew what the machine was saying. But they still had hope that we were the one in a million that the machine would give us the line to give us the 49 days we needed to survive. They knew. But they believed as did we.

40 hours little or no sleep. My wife was having more pain and machine is little mountains. Doctor shift change. We knew we would lose part of our lives soon.

But, hope! New doctor said that one baby (Baby A – Paul) would come out so we could try to save others. So, when Paul (cute!) decided to come out on a mountain, the doctor did the heroic job no one wanted to try!

The machine was mad, but kept a new flat line. New hope. My wife slept in and out with medication. We showed her the new bundle of joy. We held Paul until he became an angel (cute angel!).

Hope. I went out for awhile to update family members. One hour went by. I went back to stay with wife and I noticed that the Damn Machine mountains were back. My wonderful wife knew without the machine telling her! I hate that machine!

The doctors came in, saw it on the machine and said it’s time for Baby B (Patrick) and Baby C (Phillip) to come out. Our beautiful babies were born. Big hands and feet. Phil pointed to Mom, then to sky to say, “I’ll see you in Heaven! “.

My wife, brave wife, only got to hold our babies for one minute before she had to be taken to surgery. Why?


Our babies:
Paul – first, brave, and willing to give self-sacrifice for his brothers.
Patrick – second, small, fragile, head first.
Phillip – third, strong, big and wise, pointing the way.
I love you!!

My wife came out of surgery ok. We were able to go home the next day, but I couldn’t help notice the monitor for the Damn Machine was still on showing the biggest mountain we will ever climb – the last mountain our babies will climb.

So, frozen there on that Damn Machine, 9:37 p.m., is when this world lost three great people and Heaven gained three new angels!

Damn Machine!

I begged and pleaded with that machine, but it wouldn’t listen. But the machine will not win because the love for my babies and wife will outlast that machine!

Daddy loves you, kids!! Take care of them God!

Written May 20, 1998, Paul J.