Kristi, Robert & Daniel

I’m so grateful for the newsletter and the sense of oneness it gives me with those who write. I know of no one personally who has gone through an experience even close to mine. In particular, the most recent newsletter had two articles that seemed meant for me.

My triplets were born August 12, 1992, at 32 weeks, Daniel being stillborn from a cord accident on August 5. I didn’t even know I was pregnant with multiples until the 26th week, and the fact that Robert and Daniel were in the same sac didn’t mean much to me except for the fleeting thought that it was sweet that my only sons were already so close.

Time has done a fair job of healing the hurt-it’s not so close to the surface any more. It is very rare to see triplets or identical twin boys where I live, but when I do I immediately stop and take a deep breath as many feelings wash over me.

After all these years, there is still a small part of me that feels I should have known that Daniel was in trouble and helped him. He kicked a squirmed the most he had ever done right before he died and I always envision him as trying to fight the discomfort and lack of oxygen as the cord strangled him. Logic tells me there is nothing I could have done.

Very few people realize Robert and Kristi are “twins” let alone triplets. Still, there is always that question of how many children I have and after all these years it’s no easier. However, at the age of 9, Rob and Kristi have a tendency to help out. They are very bold with their explanation and through them their brother will never be forgotten.

My heart aches for Robert. With seven sisters (one born after the triplets) and two foster sisters the loss of his only brother is particularly hard. He immediately makes friends with other boys at playgrounds and it hurts to know he should have had a special playmate always with him.

We have been to the cemetery and found the approximate location of the grave but with no marker it is a bit tough. Money is too tight to purchase a gravestone and no other decorations are allowed.

As small children I always managed to ease the loss of a helium balloon for my kids by explaining it was a gift for Daniel and to this day they release balloons for Daniel.

All I can say at this point is-life will get easier…take strength from those who offer and no matter how angry you are at God, know he is still there for you, and your baby or child was just too special to have to deal with the trials of this world. Much thanks.